Shift Drink
- Sean Barney
- Dec 3, 2020
- 8 min read
In every profession that deals directly with the general public, owners and workers in these industries have a myriad of amazing stories to tell about their daily interactions with customers and “guests”. A lot of them are very touching and lovely. The toy store clerk that went out of her way to help a struggling mother find the perfect gift for her ailing child or the time when the restaurant “Vialé” went out of their way to make my father-in-law’s memorial lunch that much more special by closing down the whole restaurant on a Saturday. There are innumerable stories like this that make the customer-service industry as rewarding personally as it can be financially.
But that shit ain’t funny. No one wants to sit down at the bar after a long, hard, day with a “shift beer” in one hand and a shot in the other to talk about how good they felt after running two city-blocks to chase down a customer who left their umbrella or credit card behind. Unless. . . The asshole didn’t even say, “Thank you.” Complaining about the appalling way some “guests” act in restaurants is one of the best parts of the job. It is not funny when it is happening. It can be terrible. I’ve seen servers driven to tears by the way certain members of the general public have treated them. However, nothing gets a staff to bond quite like a post-shift booze-fueled bitch session. It makes me miss the industry even more.
Seeing as restaurants are struggling so mightily these days and are more than ever at the mercy of “Yelping” customers, I thought I’d create a platform for anonymous griping. I’ve listed results from a quick social media survey and a few of my own personal pet-peeves involving customers. This is to help “guests” remember how to dine-out once that lovely social activity is available to us again. I encourage everyone to add their own peeves or anecdotes. I know this isn’t a new or groundbreaking concept, but it never gets old! Please refrain from naming names.
The following list is in no particular order.
Same-side of the booth sitters: Come on, people! Really? Unless, you’re in middle-school or high school, you have dorm-rooms, apartments or houses for this overt PDA. Please, sit across from each other and look into each other’s eyes while you converse. I don’t need to be coming over to your table and feel like I’m interrupting a heavy-petting session just to see if you want another white-zin or “domestic” lager. Let’s not make each other feel any more uncomfortable than we have to. I’m, probably, going to look at the empty booth across from you and ask, “Are you expecting two more?” -- The only exception to this is if you’re both trying to watch something on the TV and the bar is full.
Parents with Children: Most of us can breed. Some of us choose not to. Just because you chose to have children doesn’t make you any more special than the rest of the people in the restaurant. It doesn’t make you less special either. I will give you my utmost professional best. I will be polite to your children and I will work very hard to get their, most likely, difficult orders correct. I’m sorry that we don’t have a “kids menu.” I believe all the menu information is available online. No. We don’t have crayons, either. – I think I, personally, have less patience for self-entitled parents, now, that I have a kid than I did before. I think that parents should take their children out to eat at as young an age as possible. I think they should do it often. This way children learn manners and how to be patient and polite. Parents should also have a self-awareness about them. If you know your kid is having a difficult day, bring enough stuff to keep them entertained at dinner. Don’t expect a server to babysit your children! No, it is not like when you used to go out before you had kids. Parents can’t expect to have an adult conversation and enjoy their dinner anymore. If my friend is being loud and obnoxious at the restaurant, I should be quieting them or getting them home and to bed. So should you. And for the love of all that is decent! If your child makes a mess, clean it up. Or at the very least leave monetary compensation for the poor server that has to clean it up.
God sees it when you lie at the host stand: This can start before a “guest” even gets to the restaurant. The restaurant you want to go to doesn’t take reservations of fewer than eight people on a Friday or a Saturday night. You don’t have eight people in your party. You really want to guarantee yourself a table at 7:30. What do you do? The answer should be, “find a different restaurant.” It should never be, “I’ll just tell them that we have eight people and say that somebody got sick on the way” or some other such bullshit. This is how it should work. If you have a reservation for eight people and you only show up with four, then your name goes back into the pool. The four tops that have been standing two-deep at the bar waiting for their tables get first dibs at your table. This is why the sign reads, “We do not seat incomplete parties.”
Don’t bully the host: Yes. Those tables are empty, right now, but people have those reserved. They called ahead on a night when the restaurant accepts smaller reservations. We don’t sit those tables an hour before the parties that have reserved them show up. We would LOVE to flip those tables in that hour when no one is sitting at them. However, we would like even less to give “guests” an inferior experience and rush them through their dinners. The 17 year-old trying to, desperately, manage a full “host sheet” while they’re running point on a Friday night is, obviously, new at this job. This doesn’t give you license to boss him around. You should feel more embarrassed bossing around a kid who’s trying to work and go to school. It doesn’t matter that you played golf with his dad that morning. He doesn’t own the restaurant. He is simply doing what he is supposed to do. Don’t bully him because you’re mad at yourself for not planning ahead better. Not cool. Go get a drink at the bar and chill out.
This is not your house: If you invite me over for drinks and dinner, I would never feel free to move your furniture around to suit my comfort. I, especially, wouldn’t do it without asking! The tables and chairs in restaurants have been set up the way they are for a reason. In fact, I can almost guarantee that the floor plan was designed long before they broke ground on the building or started building-out the interior. By moving one chair, you may have made a “seatable” table unusable. You may have also violated a fire code.
Snap at your own peril: Did you see that in a movie? Did Chris Hemsworth snap his fingers as he walked into a bar and say, “Bartender, whiskey!” Did Charlize Theron wave an empty glass at the waitress and then point to it? Movies aren’t real. And you really won’t be served if you act like that at a bar. Those actors are, probably, playing jerks in those films (and most likely carrying heavy firepower). Much like the guy with the popped collar in an 80’s movie, it is a sure way to tell who the douchebag in the room is. The bartender will see everyone but the person waving their hands or snapping their fingers at them. I had a manager ask a “guest” to leave because she was snapping her fingers at a bartender. There were 5 people in front of this woman and she was waving and snapping at the bartender. It was crazy busy. Head of the Charles in Harvard Square. “I’m sorry miss, I think you’ve had enough to drink. You seemed to have lost all capacity for decency and patience. I’m going to have to ask you to leave. I’ll be happy to call you a cab.” It was 3 o’clock in the afternoon. I’m pretty sure she was sober. Treat people like people. I don’t remember the last time I walked into an office and snapped at a cubicle saying, “I need those TPS reports.”
Egregious menu requests: You chose to come to the restaurant that you are about to dine at. The menu has been available online for quite some time. The chef has spent years in school and toiling away as a line cook at minimum wage for 80 or more hours a week. They have created a menu that they are proud of and feel confident in serving to an ever more discerning and culinarily educated public. They have measured every ingredient and priced it out. They are taking into consideration everything from linen cost to the price of parsley this month. You don’t have to eat here. I repeat YOU DO NOT have to eat here. Why on earth would you think that it is ok to completely change a dish just because you want it that way? Restaurants are constantly changing their menus to accommodate allergies and new dietary restrictions. Allergies are something that restaurants take very seriously. From a shellfish allergy to celiac disease, they do not want to serve people anything that would make them sick. As a customer you should choose dishes that don’t contain things that you are allergic to! They also shouldn’t have to put deep-fried fish in a pesto-ravioli set just because they have the ingredients and you thought it sounded like a good idea. Honestly, if you think you can cook better than the chef, stay home and make it yourself. We’ll all be much happier.
Don’t order when you’re on the phone: Don’t be that jerk. Take two minutes to put the phone down and look at your server/bartender to order what you would like. These people are about to facilitate you. They are about to create, pour, fight with the kitchen if they have to for you, etc… The very least you could do is give them enough attention to ask for what you want. You don’t have to hang-up the phone. Tell the person you’re talking to on the phone that you need to pause for a second. Put the phone down and order your food or drink. Or wait until the conversation is over. When I was managing a bar, I instructed my bartenders to not serve people who were on the phone. We don’t know when it’s a good time to ask you what you want to drink. If you are sitting at my bar and I happen to ask you what you want to drink while you’re on the phone, don’t dare hold your finger up to me and expect me to wait. It is not going to happen. I will be in the basement doing inventory for the next 20 minutes.
Employ common decency and politeness: This should go for every interaction you have in your life but especially when it involves people that are creating things that you will put into your body. It is very rare that anyone will tamper with another person’s food or drink but why risk it? You are not “entitled” to anything. You are renting space at a restaurant not people. More than that, check your baggage at the door. Be nice. Look people in the eye when you talk to them. Servers are not servants and bartenders are not your shrink. Going out to eat or grabbing a drink with a friend can and should be one of the best experiences you have all week, month, year. It is much easier to achieve this if all parties involved are working toward this common goal. Get out there and get tipsy and well fed. . . In the spring. When there’s a vaccine.
I encourage anyone in the customer-service industry to vent in the space below. I have also listed notable charities working to help Industry Folk stay above water during this impossible time.
Cheers!
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